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The ‘Chimb’ Bank

HMMaster — Tue, 17 Jul 2007 14:06:00 +0000

It has been a while since the last time I post something. Hope that you guys will enjoy this funny story!

I was looking for an empty space to park my car at Bangsar when suddenly there’s a knock on the glass

Man: “Encik ah..tanya sikit ah..itu Chimpeng mana ah..?”

Me: “Apa?”

Man: “Chimpeng, Chimpeng…saya sudah tanya itu guard ah.. dia ckaap sini ada satu Chimpeng…”

Me: “Sorrylah Apek. Saya tak tau woh…Apa tempat itu Chimpeng?”

Man: “Aiyah…itu Chimpeng balu punya..Saya mau pigi angkat wang la…”

Me: “Tarak tau la boss. Itu kedai ka apa?Along ka?”

Man: “Chimpeng bukan kedai ma..lu itu pun tak tau ah..? itu Chimpeng macam itu Maypeng, Public Peng, RHetB Peng…itu balu punya Peng..”

SO GUYS..WHAT DO YOU THINK THE BANK IS? IT’S CIMB PENG..
(haha..this is funnny)

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Made in Japan

HMMaster — Tue, 03 Apr 2007 13:42:19 +0000

A Japanese man was in a hurry to go to the KLIA airport, so he took a Proton taxi. The taxi driver took his sweet time driving within the speed limit but the Jap was getting impatient.

The following is their conversation on the way to the airport.

A Toyota Camry overtook t he taxi…..zoom….

Jap: Look ..look ..Toyota!! …very fast!!!…. made in Japan! Proton…no good…. made in Malaysia.

Driver: yah….

After a few minutes a Nissan overtook the taxi….zoom.

Jap: look…. look…. Nissan!!!….. very good!! very fast! made in Japan! Proton…. no good…. made in Malaysia

Driver: yah….yah…

After a few minutes a Honda overtook the taxi…zooom. !

Jap: look…. look… Honda!!…. very GOOD!!….very fast!!….made in Japan! Proton…no good…made in Malaysia

Driver: yah…yah…yah….!

Arriving at the airport,the Jap is about to pay the taxi driver.

Jap: How much?

Driver: RM150/-

Jap: Oh… very expensive….. you overcharge ! !

Driver: Noooo … look …. look …. Sony meter!!….very good!!….very fast!…. Made in Japan!

Wife’s Diary and Husband’s Diary WIFE’s DIARY: Sunday night. I thought he was acting weird....

Wife’s Diary and Husband’s Diary

HMMaster — Sat, 31 Mar 2007 17:47:51 +0000

WIFE’s DIARY: Sunday night. I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a cafe to have coffee. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset that I was a bit late, but he made no comment. Conversation wasn’t flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed but he kept quiet and absent. I asked him what was wrong. He said: “Nothing.” I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry. On the way home I told him that I loved him. He simply smiled and kept driving. I can’t explain his behavior; I don’t know why he didn’t say: “I love u, too.” When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched TV; he seemed distant and absent. Finally, I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed. I could not take it anymore, so I decided to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep. I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep. I don’t know what to do. I’m almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

HUSBAND’s DIARY: Today, Manchester United lost the match. DAMN IT..!! (ends)

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Mr Beans – Joke of the Day

HMMaster — Mon, 05 Jun 2006 06:02:44 +0000

>WHILE MR Beans HAVING A BRAIN CHECK UP

Doctor : I regret to tell you that you have a brain tumor.
Mr. Bean : Yesss!!! (jumps in joy)
Doctor : Did you understand what I just told you?
Mr. Bean : Yes of course, do you think I’m dumb?
Doctor : Then why are you so happy?
Mr. Bean : Because that proves that I have a brain!

MR. BEAN WHILE IN GRADE SCHOOL Teacher :
What is 5 plus 4?
Mr. Bean : 9
Teacher : What is 4 plus 5?
Mr. Bean : Are you trying to fool me, you’ve just twisted the figure,
the answer is 6!!

WHILE IN A DRUG STORE
Mr. Bean :I’d like some vitamins for my grandson.
Clerk : Sir, vitamin A, B or C?
Mr. Bean : Any will do, my grandson doesn’t know the alphabet yet!!

QUEUING BEHIND HIS FRIEND AT AN ATM MACHINE
Friend : What are you looking at?
Mr. Bean : I know your PIN no., hee, hee.
Friend : Alright, what is my PIN no. if you saw it?
Mr. Bean : Four asterisks!

PUZZLE
Friend : How many women do you believe must a man marry?
Mr. Bean : 16.
Friend : Why?
Mr. Bean : Because the priest says 4 richer, 4 poorer, 4 better and 4
worse.

CHATTING WITH HIS FRIEND
Friend : How was the tape you borrowed from me, is it Ok?
Mr. Bean : What do you mean ok, I thought it’s a horror film. I didn’t
see any picture.
Friend : What tape did you took anyway?
Mr. Bean : Head Cleaner.

SHARING SYMPHATY
Mr. Bean : (crying) the doctor called, Mom’s dead.
Friend : Condolence, my friend. (After 2 minutes Mr. Bean cries even
louder).
Friend : What now? Mr. Bean : My sister just called, her mom died too!

MR. BEAN ATTENDING A MEETING
Colleague : Sorry I’m late. I got stuck in an elevator for 4 hrs.
Because of a power failure.
Mr. Bean : Thats alright, me too… I got stuck on the escalator for 3hrs.

SPELLING LESSON
Mr. Bean’s Son : Dad, what is the spelling of successful… .is it one
“c” or two “c”?
Mr. Bean : Make it three “c” to be sure

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Avoid Drinking Fresh Sugar Cane Juice…Please take 2 mins to read this.

HMMaster — Tue, 30 May 2006 12:43:02 +0000

Please take 2 mins to read this.

This email was sent by a friend’s colleague whose father is working with the Ministry of the Environment in S’pore.

Health News – About Sugar Cane Drinks

A friend whose father works for the government health inspection passed on his info. Their job is to inspect all hawkers, their cooked food, their store hygiene, etc. They found sugar cane juice has the highest content of bacteria among all food. In fact, it has exceeded the set limit.

Hence, these guys had to find out why. They went round all sugar cane stores and watched the way the hawkers handled their sugar cane, wash their glasses, their entire procedure. But they couldn’t find the problem.

One day, they stayed till closing time and discovered some shocking facts!

Whenever, the hawkers closed their stores, they would wash the floor with detergent. As we know, the remaining sugar canes will be placed at the back of the store, vertically standing and as sugar canes are very porous, they tend to absorb whatever liquid around them. Besides the soapy water, the dirt on hawkers’ boots, cats’ urine, etc, will all be absorbed??

Now, whenever I eat at a hawker centre, I would warn all my friends about this and of course I stopped drinking my favourite sugar cane juice.

A friend, who loved sugar cane juice, was pregnant. She was always drinking sugar cane juice. Anyway, one day she miscarried and the fetus was already like 6 or 7 months old, I think. When the doctors did an autopsy to find out why all of a sudden the fetus had died inside her, they found traces of some chemical substance, which was found in cat urine. Large traces of it.

While it would not be able to harm adults, it was extremely toxic to babies, what more a fetus? So they tried to determine how this cat urine thing could have ended up in the fetus. This meant that it had to be digested by the mother, right?

And the only logical conclusion they could come up with was that since these sugar cane juice stall holders just leave the canes lying around on the wet and dirty floor, it would not be impossible to think that stray cats could have peed on those sugar canes or near those sugar canes. So think carefully the next time you order that favourite sugar cane juice!

Please pass this on to everyone you know in S’pore & M’sia. Let’s take action to make this world a better & safer place for ALL of us & the generations to come.

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